I've got what it takes!

I’VE GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO LIVE IN VICTORY – Joyce Meyer
(notes taken by my sister Laura and me)
Scripture – I must get a stronger understanding of what I have through Christ Jesus!

I've got whatever it takes to do whatever I need to do. There is no devil in hell, there's nothing in life that can defeat me because The Greater One LIVES IN ME!

I don't have to put up with a bunch of nonsense from the devil because I have power over him!

1st law of the kingdom in order to walk in victory:Mark 11:23-24: 23Truly I tell you, whoever says to this mountain, Be lifted up and thrown into the sea! and does not doubt at all in his heart but believes that what he says will take place, it will be done for him.
    24For this reason I am telling you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe (trust and be confident) that it is granted to you, and you will [get it].

When I pray, God released what I asked for in the spiritual realm; in other words, I can reach into the spiritual realm and get it. If I can believe that I have what I have asked for in God's Word, it is on its way to me, and there is no devil in hell that can stop me from getting it!

a. I must learn how to walk in faith and talk in faith. We say that we trust God, but then we worry, we're afraid of this and that, etc.

2. God says that you must believe it first, then it will be seen.
3. The most important thing is to accept Jesus as Lord and Savior; then have a deep, intimate relationship with God; then Walk in Victory.

God has provided for every person to Walk in Victory! Someone asks, "How are you today?" You might say, "Well, I'll tell you, I'm under attack..." God would say, "Well, if you stayed on the attack, you wouldn't be under it all the time."

Abraham did not waiver in his faith in the promise of God, though he waited 20 years. He praised to God and he knew that he had it when he prayed for it.

1 John 3:9: 9No one born (begotten) of God [deliberately, knowingly, and habitually] practices sin, for God's nature abides in him [His principle of life, the divine sperm, remains permanently within him]; and he cannot practice sinning because he is born (begotten) of God.

I must believe that I cannot intentionally practice sin, and that I am a new creature in Christ! I must see myself as God sees me, which is the condition of my spirit (I am righteousness and I am wholly).

a. If I am sitting in a chair, I don’t need to try to sit in the same chair I am already sitting in!
b. I must learn to walk in authority and stop spending my life trying to get the authority I already have.

God sees me as forgiven, and remembers my sins NO MORE, as far as the east is from the west. It is the enemy who condemns me, not God!

Note: God is:
Over me;
Under me;
Through me;
Around me; and
For me!
The enemy is only against me.
God’s divine sperm (the seed of all mighty God) lives in me because I am born of God. I am pregnant with everything that God has. There is NO ROOM for the devil in me, and he has no authority to be there!

God is on my side all the time!
God loves me!!

I’m anointed by the Holy Spirit and He will never leave me. 1 John 2 (the anointing will teach me)

1 Corinthians 1:30: 30But it is from Him that you have your life in Christ Jesus, Whom God made our Wisdom from God, [revealed to us a knowledge of the divine plan of salvation previously hidden, manifesting itself as] our Righteousness [thus making us upright and putting us in right standing with God], and our Consecration [making us pure and holy], and our Redemption [providing our ransom from eternal penalty for sin].

1. I can make the right decision!
2. God will show me.

Note: The Process of Getting God’s Word into My Soul – Meditation:
Get my mind renewed;
Get my emotions under control;
Turn my will over to God; and
Get my body in shape.
There is a seed in me of everything God has and wants me to have! (Don’t quench the butterfly in my inner woman.)

God put His Heart and Spirit in me… I have his nature! I have the goodness and greatness of God in me! Remember that THE DEVIL IS A LIAR!!! He is the father of lies.

Keep the weeds off the seeds! Don’t eat the seeds! Remember that when you plant a seed, it takes time for the seeds to produce a harvest. The world will say, "I don't see a harvest." You say, "The seed is in there. Someday I will see a harvest come out of that ground!" The seed has everything it needs to produce the plant. It only needs to be cultivated in good soil, fed with the Living Water, and The Light of the World.

I am a new creature in God! The world says, "Well, you sure don't act like one!" You say, "It doesn't matter! I am one, and you're gonna see it sooner or later!"

I have the spirit of discipline and self-control, so says 2 Timothy 1:7

2 Timothy 1:7 7For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.

1. Don’t let a cookie boss me around!
2. I have the energy of God inside of me. I can do whatever I need to do, through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13).
3. Jesus says that if we are lukewarm, he will spit us out. Get in, get out, or get run over because Jesus is coming!

Colossians 3:1-2 1IF THEN you have been raised with Christ [to a new life, thus sharing His resurrection from the dead], aim at and seek the [rich, eternal treasures] that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.
    2And set your minds and keep them set on what is above (the higher things), not on the things that are on the earth.

1. Commit scripture to memory.
2. Meditate on my victory (The Bible says that the promises of God are for whosoever. I am a whosoever).

The world complains, murmurs, grumbles, etc. DON'T BE LIKE THE WORLD! (Romans 2:12)

Ephesians 1:3: 3May blessing (praise, laudation, and eulogy) be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah) who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual (given by the Holy Spirit) blessing in the heavenly realm!

I am blessed and highly favored.

Romans 6:2: 2 ... How can we who died to sin live in it any longer?

Romans 6:11: 11Even so consider yourselves also dead to sin and your relation to it broken, but alive to God [living in unbroken fellowship with Him] in Christ Jesus.

1. Turn away from sin and fellowship with God.

2 Corinthians 6:14-16: 14Do not be [unequally] yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness [lawlessness] have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
15What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with nonbelief?
16What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people."

2. Don’t meditate on my mess, but meditate on God’s Word. Concentrate on righteousness.
3. Don’t keep thinking on all the things I did wrong or how God must be disappointed with me.
4. Meditate on how much God loves me and has blessed me with the fruit of the Spirit. The longer I think on these things, the more the seed of the Spirit grows inside of me and bears fruit.

What would happen if we did what the Bible says and not live in condemnation? Thank the devil for reminding me of how good God is because He forgave me for the things for which he wants condem me. When you fellowship with God, you're not fellowshipping with the devil. I AM DEAD TO SIN. My relationship is with God, not sin. What we put our mind to becomes manifest.

I AM BLESSED RIGHT NOW!

What I have in Christ by the Holy Spirit:
Galatians 5:22-23: 22But the fruit of the [Holy] Spirit [the work which His presence within accomplishes] is love, joy (gladness), peace, patience (an even temper, forbearance), kindness, goodness (benevolence), faithfulness,
    23Gentleness (meekness, humility), self-control (self-restraint, continence). Against such things there is no law [that can bring a charge].

1. Pray boldly and aggressively!
2. Defeat the weak areas of my life.
Luke 10:19: 19Behold! I have [already] given you authority and power to trample upon serpents and scorpions, and [physical and mental strength and ability] over all the power that the enemy [possesses]; and nothing shall in any way harm you.

We need to learn how to talk back to the devil, as Jesus did in Luke 4. We cannot defeat Goliath with our mouths shut!

Acts 1:8: 8But you shall receive power (ability, efficiency, and might) when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you shall be My witnesses in Jerusalem and all Judea and Samaria and to the ends (the very bounds) of the earth.

1 John 4:4: 4Little children, you are of God [you belong to Him] and have [already] defeated and overcome them [the agents of the antichrist], because He Who lives in you is greater (mightier) than he who is in the world.

Ephesians 1:18-19: 18By having the eyes of your heart flooded with light, so that you can know and understand the hope to which He has called you, and how rich is His glorious inheritance in the saints (His set-apart ones),
    19And [so that you can know and understand] what is the immeasurable and unlimited and surpassing greatness of His power in and for us who believe, as demonstrated in the working of His mighty strength...

1. I have to know and understand the power available to me as a believer. There is power available to me! I don't have to try to impress God because he already loves me and accepts me. I should do what is right because I love Him!
2. I might make a mistake, but I must not concentrate on that.
3. Keep my mind on the right stuff -- Philipians 4:8: 8Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things.

*Don’t plan to be depressed on an anniversary of an unpleasant event.
Don’t set myself up for failure.
Philippians 4:13: 13I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency].

Put away thoughts from the devil like, "But I feel... but it looks... but they said... " by telling the devil, "I already have authority over you, so shut your ugly mouth!" When he comes back to lie again, tell him, "Now you better get outta here or else I'm gonna read you Luke 10:19, and you're not gonna like it! AND I'm gonna read it aloud!"

Romans 8:37: 37Yet amid all these things we are more than conquerors and gain a surpassing victory through Him Who loved us.

1. I am the righteousness of God the day I accepted Christ as my savior. The moment I turned my life over to Jesus, I was made right with God. In my spiritual condition, I am holy. It is how God sees me. It is how He can live in me. (God created the loophole)
2. Let the roots of God’s Word break through the rocky soil of my soul. My spirit is the deepest part of me, and it needs to grow through the soul to be evidenced in the physical. Meditate on the Word day and night, write down scriptures in long hand, recite scripture aloud, write a list of everything that I have that God says I have, wake up every morning and say I KNOW THAT GOD LOVES ME.

James 1:2-4: 2Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort or fall into various temptations.
    3Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience.

I am going to work with the Holy Spirit so that I can see the fruits of the Spirit in me (Galatians 5:22-23). I don't have to try to get it because I've got it! I don't have to pray for strength because I have the strength of the Lord inside of me, nor do I need to pray for patience, love, joy, peace, faithfullness, or self-control. Pray that the Holy Spirit work in me to be more patient, more loving, etc.

    4But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be [people] perfectly and fully developed [with no defects], lacking in nothing.

LET IT BE SO.

A funny thing happened on the way to work

I ran out of gas. It was snowing and had been for a minute (maybe all morning) and the snow plow people were slow to service the area. My car was doing the "sluggish petit mal seizure" thing, and there is a gas station on the way to work. As I am coming to a stop at the light in the right-most lane, my car shuts off. Thank God I only ran out of gas! There could be any number of things wrong with a 1992 anything, but I only had to walk across the street to gat 2 gallons of gas, and then skip back over to my car, spend 90 seconds to prepare the container and believe it wouldn't leak all over (cuz the fit wasn't tight like I was missing a piece), and then another 60 seconds to put in 2 gallons of gas. It was funny because I have been in this situation so many times with my current car because the gas gauge doesn't work. And, more recently, the trip odometer reset to 000000 for the last time and hasn't moved since. And, even more recently, with using the heat and not being as diligent (at all) about using additives every time I filled up (or got paid). But God is good because He always made sure that I ran out of gas or had car trouble in a safe place and was always able to park safely and legally; or, the time that was not the case, I was able to call on people to help me and even advocate for me. Even now, He made me pull all the way over to the right, just outside of the boundaries of the bus stop, in a comfotable vicinity to a gas station, and with the sense to know that I was only out of gas. And I was still able to handle my work business via phone coordination. And all done calmly and, at times, with humor. After the fiaso was done, I still had to drive to get a van to take to the group home that I manage. This van is great except it is on 1/4 tank of gas and I can't find the gas card, which is supposed to be in glove box. So I get to my house and I end up running the appointment. I get directions from a reliable resource, but she gave me one wrong turn but I still found it and an easier way back. By the time I returned the van, the low fuel light came on for 1 second. I will remember to let the manager know about all that, as well as the van harrassing me with the "Service Engine Soon" light. But I could have easily have had a bad day, but I focused on completing the task at hand, and that was more important than focusing on personalized, residual feelings that serve no purpose in the positive advancement of my day.

I can see clearly now, a little

I have been informally participating in a Fast From Wrong Thinking, which comes with a 40-day devotional with a specific thought to "fast" from, and why it is not correct thinking as per the Bible.

Now, these are my thoughts on religion:

I am not "religious". I do believe in God, and I would be categorized as a Christian, or a believer in and follower of Jesus as the Christ. "Religion" is, as I see it, problematic because the emphasis is on rules and laws, what you do and how you do it. "Religion" teaches that are supposed to be "perfect", or at least act perfectly, in order to be looked upon favorably by God. "Religion" seems to believe that we have to do things in order to elevate ourselves to God, or in order to talk to Him or be heard by Him. "Religion" often misses the point. I believe that Christianity is about having a relationship with God, about knowing who He is and who I am in Him, and about believing in His Promises and His Word. He will do the work that He can do on His level against the Enemy (muahaha), as long as we do the work that we are to do. My new belief in His Word has already calmed my mind and allowed me to focus on being greater than I am now. I can be myself and be a Christian and flourish. I believe that true religion is believed in the heart and practiced whenever we have the chance to interact or make a difference in someone's life.

I made it!

This morning, before leaving my apartment, I was struggling with feeling guilty and nervous about a meeting with my supervisor. I have been at my new job 6 months, but she extended my probation for another 8 weeks amd requires weekly meetings with her in order to learn and do everything I need to learn and do in order to keep my job. I brought everything that she asked for, and it was a good meeting. My supervisor is aware of my struggles to a degree, and she is being very supportive and helpful with me. Once I get off probation, I will receive a small raise that was given across the board in October. So either I don't make it and lose everything (my job, benefits, apartment, etc), or I'll make it and get a little extra in return. When I put it like that, the choice seems obvious. If only I put in effort and try and do and make mistakes and learn, than to be scared stiff from fear of failure, or success. I think I have a strange fear of success. I think it is strange because the desire to succeed should be naturally universal to everyone. Ok, so to use the model below, the emotional response is fear (of success). The belief behind could be, I do not deserve to be successful. This is not a true statement. Why wouldn't I deserve to be successful? Why am I condemning myself? I have to find a true statement to reject this false one. I deserve to be successful is an obvious choice. It is going to require more thought to figure out why I would think that I would not deserve success. Maybe it goes back to thinking that there is something wrong with me. Again, this is not a true statement. This process of confronting my beliefs and their origins is like having another job. But the pay is immeasurable and absolutely vital to my wellbeing. I don't know many other jobs that offer that as a perk.

Today was a good day

I mean, I was able to focus and recognize the things I would do in order to not do my job. I would do the other things in order to distract myself from becoming successfull. I completed many things, but I had to keep directing myself to complete tasks in order to move on to completing the next task.

My mind is a lot calmer today. The negative thoughts or ideas are a lot quieter. Ok, let's not get it twisted. I have NOT, nor have I EVER, heard "voices". It's a feeling that I interpret as "I am defeated" or "I am rejected" or whatever. The only voice I hear is me telling those feelings to go back to hell.

Now that that is clarified, my sister called me today and we both had a good day. I am excited about talking to her every night. Now that my head is stablizing, it is nice to have nice things to talk about. I don't know why I wasn't reaching out to her before. Actually, I do know. I was isolating myself, which made it easier for me to feel alone. Why would I do that? It doesn't make any sense. I don't want to believe that moving to Baltimore was part of my isolation modus operandi. I kind of see my mom's house and my hometown as a biblical Egypt, where I lived in "bondage" and was sure to stay right there if I didn't leave. That would make Baltimore my wilderness, where I have to rely on God to provide for me until I get to the Promised Land. It is apparent to me that I can't do this alone, this being living, and living happily. It is becoming apparent to me that I am not alone.

Booyakhan!

You should have seen me ... yesterday

The day before, the day of the inauguration, which was Oh Happy Day in most of the rest of the world, was a very troubling day for me. Emotionally, I was completely unstable. I started watching this DVD named "Conquering Your Thought Life". It is a lot like the model below, only you cast off the negative thoughts (which come from the devil, the enemy, or The Evil One, if you will, muhahahaha) with the truths of God (He will never leave me or forsake me, He loves me as much as He loves Jesus). It was like a wrestling match was going on in my head. It reminded me of Genesis 32, where Jacob wrestled with a man one night until daybreak (I'm thinking, maybe up to 6 hours?). These thoughts of sadness and loneliness, sometimes I had them by the throat, and sometimes they had me by the throat. I would feel sadness and say, "I have the joy of the Lord, and that is my strength! Sadness is not welcome here!" I was pacing and crying and affirming and rebuking and trying to believe what I was saying. If I have the joy of the Lord, where was it? My stomach was cramping, my eyes were puffy, my back was hurting from tossing and turning funny all night before. But I went to bed after talking to my sister, and then I woke up feeling a little better. I walked to my car semi-defeated, and I drove to work, crying and rebuking the whole way. I straighten up enough to get ready for a meeting, then it is more crying and rebuking on the way to the meeting. But then I got distracted by trying to remember the way to place I was driving to (I dunno, somewhere out the in the industrial boonies of Baltimore), ended up having a good meeting (even though there was an annoying thought of shouldn't you be worried, or scared, or something?).

Then, something happened that I didn't even realize until I was on my way home from work: I wasn't having those fits of sadness or worry or whatever. I did find a Christian radio station to keep my mind centered on God, and on the way back from the meeting, I'm harmonizing with some old time hymn; then, with another song, I changed the lyrics to confess my love for my cat. Now, tonight, I think I will be able to have a peaceful sleep, and I know for sure that I am going to keep those negative thoughts in a head lock. The Evil One (muhahaha) doesn't give up that easy, so he'll be back with some other garbage that I will have to combat. But the great thing is that now I know for a fact that this works! The truth does set you free! And me hearing myself vocalize these truths helped it to stick in my head.

Now, I can already laugh at myself yesterday. Picture me starting to whimper, then suddenly yelling "NO! I am MORE than a conqueror, I am NOT defeated! You have lied to me for way too long!"

Ack! I need to get to bed before I O-D on coffee in the morning. We'll see how long these skies stay clear.

Conquering my thought life

Every emotional response is based on the belief of a particular thought. Say, if someone doesn't like me for whatever reason, an emotional response is to feel rejected. This can be translated to, When someone doesn't like me, it is my job to feel rejected. Or, more specifically, When someone doesn't like me, it is because there is something wrong with me. The last statement reflects where some of the pain could come from. After identifying the belief behind the emotional response, I have to identify that the phrase "it is because there is something wrong with me" is NOT a true statement. How can I make this a true statement? To make the transition easier, I will change it to something that does not reflect on me, something does not give a negative emotional response. When someone doesn't like me, that is their business. If something isn't my business, I'm not going to care about it. And it is still a true statement. What people believe about me is actually none of my business, and it is not a reflection of me but only a perception. This practice seems to require a lot less effort than simply trying not to feel rejected. I know and understand this, but I have to remind myself of this practice because some of my beliefs about myself are currently under a stronghold that will require time, effort, and patience to break. It is consciously breaking the unconscious. I'm up for it.

I Have A Dream / "How long will you mourn?"

I woke up this morning with a tear in my eye and an ache in my heart. Both are residual, both have subsided. I have a dream that the ache will forever be replaced by love.

There is a story in the Bible in the book of Samuel, where the Lord rejects Saul as the Israel's first king because he did not obey God. As long as he lived, he did not see Saul after that point, and the Bible says that Samuel mourned for him. I think it was because Saul had lost God's favor by not doing as he was told because he panicked and got scared. So the Lord asked Samuel a question: How long will you mourn for Saul? The Lord was about to appoint a new king -- shouldn't the prophet Samuel be excited for the future of Israel, whom will no doubt be ruled by a great king if he is to be chosen by God, right? But Saul was chosen by Samuel. God did not tell whom he should choose as king, but only to give the people of Israel a king because the people demanded one. Samuel chose Saul because he was an impressive young hunter and taller than most Israelites; unfortunately, he didn't measure up in character and heart. Saul bent the rules under pressure, and he did not obey God no matter what. He lost faith quickly said Fuck Everything And Run, one breakdown of fear.

So Samuel mourned and mourned. He had to snap out of that thinking and move on to what was in store. It is my dream that I always remember that the best is yet to come, that as long as I live there is a life worth living to the fullest, and to be thankful that the past is always over and done with, no matter how long or how many times I relive it in my head. It can never come back. The ink has dried on the paper, the carving is set in stone, it's a done deal. That is how I am set free.

It is my dream to remember the TRUTH when lies want to convince me of otherwise. The truth is always true, no matter what. I am who I am, no matter if somebody believes something different, or did in the past. Either I am to walk in truth, or I am to believe whatever I am told about me. I am going to write a list of truths about me, undeniable truths that cannot be argued, disputed, or even questioned. Such as, I am capable of giving and receiving love, to and from myself.

It is my dream that I can see this in myself as the beauty within.

Despite

To love someone or something despite a flaw or an defect is to truly love; to view said flaw/defect as a smokescreen through which one gets a glimpse of the true beauty is remarkable, especially when the beholder is looking at a wretch like me. I don't see myself as beautiful everytime I look in the mirror. I can optimize my appearance and find or arrange the beauty, but I can't see that it is always inherently there. I surely didn't think I was pretty as a child. I remember being in elementary school, and I think somoene complemented me or at least said something positive about the way that I looked. I shot a look to a classmate that would have heard that statement and said, "Shut up", expecting her to say something mean to dispute it. She simply said that she wasn't going to say anything. My problem was that I was a chubby child (read: the fat kid), I got glasses by the 4th grade (read: 4-eyes), I was the light-skinned black girl (read: the white girl), I did very well in school (read: teacher's pet/class nerd), and I was introvered, shy, and sensitive in school situations (read: she probably doesn't do anything but homework/cry baby). So, you see, I had a lot going for me.

As I'm sitting here, proofreading my writing, I realized that I am carrying around the pains of my childhood because there seems to be evidence of something simiilar in my adult life. I want to believe that this time will be different, but I remember thinking that before; and while it was different, it was still the same old thing. But since my last ex, I have been staying single to reclaim my identity and know what I need in a relationship. My previous relationships showed me what I didn't want, and I could only imagine what would be nice. A man is like a box of chocolates -- you never know what you're gonna get.