I Have A Dream / "How long will you mourn?"

I woke up this morning with a tear in my eye and an ache in my heart. Both are residual, both have subsided. I have a dream that the ache will forever be replaced by love.

There is a story in the Bible in the book of Samuel, where the Lord rejects Saul as the Israel's first king because he did not obey God. As long as he lived, he did not see Saul after that point, and the Bible says that Samuel mourned for him. I think it was because Saul had lost God's favor by not doing as he was told because he panicked and got scared. So the Lord asked Samuel a question: How long will you mourn for Saul? The Lord was about to appoint a new king -- shouldn't the prophet Samuel be excited for the future of Israel, whom will no doubt be ruled by a great king if he is to be chosen by God, right? But Saul was chosen by Samuel. God did not tell whom he should choose as king, but only to give the people of Israel a king because the people demanded one. Samuel chose Saul because he was an impressive young hunter and taller than most Israelites; unfortunately, he didn't measure up in character and heart. Saul bent the rules under pressure, and he did not obey God no matter what. He lost faith quickly said Fuck Everything And Run, one breakdown of fear.

So Samuel mourned and mourned. He had to snap out of that thinking and move on to what was in store. It is my dream that I always remember that the best is yet to come, that as long as I live there is a life worth living to the fullest, and to be thankful that the past is always over and done with, no matter how long or how many times I relive it in my head. It can never come back. The ink has dried on the paper, the carving is set in stone, it's a done deal. That is how I am set free.

It is my dream to remember the TRUTH when lies want to convince me of otherwise. The truth is always true, no matter what. I am who I am, no matter if somebody believes something different, or did in the past. Either I am to walk in truth, or I am to believe whatever I am told about me. I am going to write a list of truths about me, undeniable truths that cannot be argued, disputed, or even questioned. Such as, I am capable of giving and receiving love, to and from myself.

It is my dream that I can see this in myself as the beauty within.