Today was a good day

I mean, I was able to focus and recognize the things I would do in order to not do my job. I would do the other things in order to distract myself from becoming successfull. I completed many things, but I had to keep directing myself to complete tasks in order to move on to completing the next task.

My mind is a lot calmer today. The negative thoughts or ideas are a lot quieter. Ok, let's not get it twisted. I have NOT, nor have I EVER, heard "voices". It's a feeling that I interpret as "I am defeated" or "I am rejected" or whatever. The only voice I hear is me telling those feelings to go back to hell.

Now that that is clarified, my sister called me today and we both had a good day. I am excited about talking to her every night. Now that my head is stablizing, it is nice to have nice things to talk about. I don't know why I wasn't reaching out to her before. Actually, I do know. I was isolating myself, which made it easier for me to feel alone. Why would I do that? It doesn't make any sense. I don't want to believe that moving to Baltimore was part of my isolation modus operandi. I kind of see my mom's house and my hometown as a biblical Egypt, where I lived in "bondage" and was sure to stay right there if I didn't leave. That would make Baltimore my wilderness, where I have to rely on God to provide for me until I get to the Promised Land. It is apparent to me that I can't do this alone, this being living, and living happily. It is becoming apparent to me that I am not alone.

Booyakhan!